14th January, 2016. Today is a big day for me. Probably the biggest day of my life. Do you know why?
Today I dint clear my engineering. Today I did not get committed. Today I did not top any examination. None of those things happened. All of those seem too trivial now when once achieving those would make that particular day the biggest day of anyone’s life. Today I realised what satisfaction really feels like. I got a job.
Meet Hiten Chhajed, a procurement analyst who works at ZYCUS. Sounds too boring, right? Well, I do not care. Never was I able to prove anyone how capable I actually am. Forget anyone. I barely proved myself. That was not because I never got a chance. I might have just got one or more. But I preferred what my parents call wasting money and time, what our friends think as a cool thing to do and everyone else just seem to be doing the same. I enjoyed.
Do I regret? Hell no! Yes it got onto my nerves when people close to you would judge you in a way you never want to be judged. Thought of you as a guy who could just enjoy and do nothing constructive out of his life. But I hampered that feeling somewhere inside and continued what I called “living my life” back then. Then came the moment of truth. Hiten Chhajed became a mechanical engineer. Wow, right? Parents telling their relatives how proud they feel when none of the relatives really give a fuck. People congratulating you on WhatsApp and those groups flooded with messages for you and your fellow engineers. One might think hell I am an engineer finally, lets party. I thought the same and did so. Not one day. Not two days. The parties never ended. But until one day finally my father asked me “Son, what next?”. And I thought to myself “Dude, really. What next?”.
So as every second engineer in India does, I started looking for a master’s programme outside India. Without inquiring anything much at all, I even started learning a fucking new language (which I convinced myself would get me admitted into some foreign university). Enjoyed those 3-4 months again. Made new friends, splurged my father’s money by convincing him how that would help me for my master’s programme. Sub consciously, I was in denial. In denial that I would have to face many challenges if I stopped my procrastination. But you know life. It’s a bitch.But I realised this proverb is not complete enough. I’d like to rephrase it.
Life is a bitch trying to put a bastard on the right track.
Every single minute I enjoyed not thinking what my future would be like was coming back to me. My “struggling” days had started. I started searching for a job. Because well, that’s what a 22 year old engineer is supposed to do. Initially I thought getting a job would be as easy as clearing engineering (Yes, that’s fucking easy). So as a layman I put up my totally updated profile on Naukri.com and LinkedIn with a totally swag display picture. I thought of it as nothing more than a way to socialise. It took me two weeks of complete joblessness, endless taunts from my parents and grandparents and an empty mind to realise how fucked I am.
Now I started using all the resources at my disposal to get me a job. I sought help of everyone on my contact list to help me get through this phase. People tried helping me but no one could. This is the time when you realise you’re on your own. Ironically, I am glad no one could.
The only thing that can give you the essence of success is failure. I visited different cities, got rejected by more than a dozen of people, saw all the doors shutting down only to see the big gate of Seepz open! (I like how shitty deep I can get sometimes). I got to know about this walk-in interview at Zycus. The same company who claimed I wasn’t eligible enough for their campus recruitment. So I went. Went there with utmost negativity and just to avoid all those taunts and pass my day. As I entered the room I saw many hopeful heads (40 to be precise) who wanted that post more than their life. Clearing the first round (Group Discussion) rejuvenated the confidence that I had lost in the past two months. I won’t get into the technicality of the remaining 3 rounds but lets just say, only one out of 40 got selected for that post. Yes, I am boasting 😛
I have a million words to explain those 2 days of interviews and different rounds that I managed to clear but that’s not important right now. That’s not why I am writing this down. The moment I got that email saying “you have been offered the post of Trainee – Procurement Analyst”, I had a tear in my eye. That one particular email made me run down an array of thoughts in my mind. The slogging, the failures, the taunts and everything bad that I had been enduring this whole time was just vanishing through that single tear. I was on a busy street with hundreds of people around me, my girlfriend jumping out of joy and hugging me but I could hear nothing. Everything just seemed to stand still for a while. I was in complete isolation. I savoured that moment. Why did I get the job? Am I smart? Was I confident? May be. But education or if I am being more precise, marks or exams did not make me smart or confident. People did. As I previously said, I followed my heart and I enjoyed. I met people. I had ‘n’ number of conversations with people I barely knew.
That was Hiten Chhajed (Procurement Analyst) in the making! Never thought I would enter a room of 40 people and confidently voice out my opinion making me one of the few to outstand the remaining. Ironically, the reason I am finally doing something constructive is because I never did that before. I was searching for a job because I wanted to prove a point to people who doubted me. I ended up not giving a fuck. Because when you prove yourself a point, you don’t care what others think of you.
People say you end up picking up all the fallen pieces. I feel there is always a bigger picture. There are no fallen pieces. At the end, you just stand there and connect all the dots.